Pitcairn Islands

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 PITCAIRN IS IN CRISIS

As Leader of this small island nation it has been my very sad duty today to declare a state of war against the mighty USA. This was not an easy decision to make, but sometimes for the greater good of all, tough decisions have to be made. I'm not sure when they'll find out about this as we are now officially not communicating with them.

Pitcairn has never been at war before and so it may be we'll make a few mistakes along the way. I think maybe choosing the USA was our first mistake.

The reason we have been forced into this situation is that the USA have slapped a trade embargo on the import of meat. This will obviously have massive repercussions on our booming tortoise trade and will probably cause us to lose the entire herd. Well we've actually lost the entire herd already if the truth was told. It wasn't my idea to realise them to roam wild, but once we did that, there wasn't much we could do to stop them stampeding off the cliffs like wild lemmings - was there?

Anyway, regardless, the USA weren't to know that were they.

If they want to play hardball - that's what we'll play.

I'm quite looking forward to the B52's bombing us out of existance, then the USA will start rebuilding the country for us, station a small armed force on the island, etc., etc. This will prove to be a massive boost to the economy of the island and should make us all millionaires.

I can just see the aerial photographs on Sky News - showing the laser bombing targets before they drop the bombs, and after they've bombed all 17 houses on the island, they'll find me holed up in some mud hole with a beard. Then put me on trial as the rebel leader. Oh, the romance of it all.

You couldn't make it up - could you?

Posted by Pitcairn Islanders - The Real Christians :: 2:16 AM :: 7 comments

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