Pitcairn Islands
Wednesday, June 21, 2006 PITCAIRN IS IN CRISIS

As Leader of this small island nation it has been my very sad duty today to declare a state of war against the mighty USA. This was not an easy decision to make, but sometimes for the greater good of all, tough decisions have to be made. I'm not sure when they'll find out about this as we are now officially not communicating with them.

Pitcairn has never been at war before and so it may be we'll make a few mistakes along the way. I think maybe choosing the USA was our first mistake.

The reason we have been forced into this situation is that the USA have slapped a trade embargo on the import of meat. This will obviously have massive repercussions on our booming tortoise trade and will probably cause us to lose the entire herd. Well we've actually lost the entire herd already if the truth was told. It wasn't my idea to realise them to roam wild, but once we did that, there wasn't much we could do to stop them stampeding off the cliffs like wild lemmings - was there?

Anyway, regardless, the USA weren't to know that were they.

If they want to play hardball - that's what we'll play.

I'm quite looking forward to the B52's bombing us out of existance, then the USA will start rebuilding the country for us, station a small armed force on the island, etc., etc. This will prove to be a massive boost to the economy of the island and should make us all millionaires.

I can just see the aerial photographs on Sky News - showing the laser bombing targets before they drop the bombs, and after they've bombed all 17 houses on the island, they'll find me holed up in some mud hole with a beard. Then put me on trial as the rebel leader. Oh, the romance of it all.

You couldn't make it up - could you?

Posted by Pitcairn Islanders - The Real Christians :: 2:16 AM :: 7 comments

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006 THE NEW TORTOISE FARM

By unanimous consent it was decided at last month's Full Council Meeting to start a Tortoise Farm on the Island. Ostriches has been the favourite but someone suggested they may try to escape. We are 4,000 miles from the nearest inhabited land, where they were going to escape to?

Anyway, the eventual solution has been the adoption of the Tortoise Farm plan. It is our intention to farm both for the shells, to be made into trinkets, carvings, jewellery etc., and for their meat.

This picture of the first of our farm, the idea is to breed from this one and so double the numbers ever time he breeds. A great idea, if only someone would have thought that a female might help the process along some.

Apparantly tortoi (which is the plural for tortoises) breed rampantly ever 40-50 years, before reaching their peak at around the 200 year old mark, then dying.

The other drawback is that tortoi are impossible to sex, so even if we do introduce another tortoise, it will be sixty years before we know the outcome.

We're going to have another vote this evening in the Council House - whether or not to have Baked Tortoi and Chips on Friday.

I hope I get a leg!

Posted by Pitcairn Islanders - The Real Christians :: 3:22 AM :: 3 comments

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Monday, June 05, 2006 TEST BLOG

This is just a test to see if the Pitcairn's Blog can be re-instated.

Posted by Pitcairn Islanders - The Real Christians :: 5:01 AM :: 1 comments

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